Fraud

There's nothing that seems to be wrong, nothing that should be making me depressed - am I just making this up?
I'm relatively healthy, have wonderful friends and partners, am about to start a second university degree and can't think of any reason why I should feel like this.

I feel like a fraud. I feel like I don't really have depression, that I'm just making it up because I'm lazy, or want sympathy, or can't be bothered to do things. I don't know.

Logically of course I know that I'm not - I rarely get a day where I don't feel like crying at some point, for no apparent reason. Sometimes even the idea of eating is an overwhelming, insurmountable task. I'll be hungry, sometimes go as far as actually making food, but once it's in front of me I just have no motivation to eat it. I just feel pathetic at not being able to do something as simple as feeding myself.

I had to go to be put on a higher dose of antidepressants recently because I couldn't get through a day without feeling like curling up and crying. Since then I haven't had quite as much of the needing-to-cry feeling, but I still have no idea why I feel like this, it just doesn't make any sense. I feel stupid for feeling like this with no apparent reason.

Addendum - it doesn't seem like it's actually getting any better, just after writing this I got another wave of depression. I can barely move my limbs or speak it's such a big effort. I'm just sitting on the sofa watching shit on the TV. Writing this addendum has taken a ridiculous amount of effort and about 10 minutes. What the hell is wrong with me? This is pathetic.

Extra addendum: When the wave of depression comes all I can do is curl up and cry, sometimes even that feels like too much effort. I'm worried that I'm losing who I was, that the depression is taking over and the happy fun girl I normally am will be trapped inside unable to get out again. I'm worried that my friends will see the change in me and realise I'm not worth being friends with anymore, that I'm a different person - someone who's constantly down, crying, not going out to social gatherings and I'll lose touch with them. I'm scared that Azariah won't want to be with me any more because I'm constantly crying and feeling down and bringing him down, that I'm not fun to be around any more. I know that all these feelings are just the depression talking, and logically I know that it'll go away and that these thoughts and feelings aren't real, but they seem so very real. 

I also had a scary thought today. I wondered what it'd feel like to cut myself, not to hurt or try to kill myself, just because I'd really like to see and feel the blood trickling out. I realise this is a stupid thought, and won't carry through with it, but I just feel so numb right now, and the idea of seeing and feeling the crimson escaping is fascinating. Right I'm going to get off the internet and go outside and try to get rid of these ridiculous thoughts.