Last night, D'Artagnan had a birthday party. It was a house party, with drinks, BBQ, and friendly people to chat to. And quite a lot of punch containing mystery a selection of miscellaneous drinks we found around the house. It was rather yummy!
Anyway, there was lots of drinking punch, talking, eating burgers, drinking more punch, and getting generically tipsy and giggly.
At possibly around 12 or 1 (I lost track of time during the evening) I ended up kissing a friend of mine, we'll call him Jacques. Kissing makes it seem like we had a bit of a snog. It kinda lasted for 2 episodes of Family Guy and part of American Dad. And that's all we were doing. There was a small amount of hair-pulling, stroking of necks etc, but we literally kissed for at least 45 minutes. Other people came in and out a couple of times, and no one said 'Oh my god, you're kissing someone other than your boyfriend!'
When I saw D'Artagnan later I told him that we'd been kissing, and he said 'I assumed that was what was happening - the talking stopped and I could hear slurping noises.' First of all - I don't "slurp" when I kiss. But anyway.
I sent Azariah a message saying I'd been kissing Jacques. He sent a message back saying that was great, but he'd just got into bed and was trying to sleep, with the tone implying 'shut up, it's the middle of the night!'
Before going to bed, Jacques said 'We should probably talk about this in the morning before I leave.'
Ah, to be around grown-up people who communicate properly about things like this! I know people who would've just upped and left in the morning, assuming that it was just a drunken one-off, or then assumed that we were going out.
This morning we sat down and said that neither of us knew what we wanted out of this, whether we wanted a relationship or were happy with the way things were. We said that we enjoyed the kissing, would like to do more of that, and would like to play together at some point in the future. Also that Jacques isn't looking for another primary partner - he has a very lovely girlfriend who I get on with who fills that spot - but he does have room for others if we do decide that that's what we want. If things happen it'll have to progress at a pace that his primary is comfortable with, as he hasn't dated other people yet while he's been with her, so this side of poly will be new for her. And that's all fine 'n' dandy, because we know where each other stands. He asked whether D'Artagnan and Azariah already knew. I said they did, and that D'artagnan had described our kissing noises as 'slurping'. Jacques laughed, kissed me some more and made slurpy noises. We laughed. Then kissed a bit more.. =P
So we're playing it by ear, and seeing what happens. But what has made me most happy are the reactions of D'Artagnan and Azariah. Last night D'Artagnan suggested I go and sleep in the other room with Jacques if I wanted to. I declined, being extremely tired and still rather drunk (and aware that the best decisions are generally not made while drunk) and just wanting my own bed.
This morning I spoke to Azariah on the phone. He made it very clear that I don't need to clear things with him first, that I'm my own person and can do what I like. He said that he trusts me to do what I want without hurting him, and that if I do make a mistake I'll tell him. This means so much to me. I know he keeps saying this, but I still check things with him because we're still relatively new to all of this. Some people might find it odd, but him saying this just makes me love him even more. Being given the freedom to be my own person, make my own choices which may or may not include being intimate (physically or emotionally) with other people makes me feel even closer to him.
So today, I feel wonderful, happy, contented and smiley. This was made even better by the sunshine and reading Terry Pratchatt books outside on a deck chair. I have no expectations at all with Jacques, and if it turns out that nothing happens again, that's also fine with me. I'm just filled to the brim with gratitude for having such wonderful people in my life!
