Often if I'm feeling depressed, upset, or just a little low or unsure, I tend to get quite quiet, and become a little uncommunicative. Ok, a lot. I just want to curl up and be hugged or soothed until I feel better. Often when I'm in that state I don't really know what is wrong, or if I do, I don't always want to talk about it.
There seem to be people who want to know why I'm feeling like this, so that they can try and 'fix' it, and people who just hug me and say 'it's going to be ok'.
People have different ways of reacting to me being like this: there's
asking if I'm ok; asking what's wrong; giving me space and leaving me
alone, asking what they can do to help, and coming over and just holding/hugging/stroking me.
In this mood, there's only really one of these which is of any use to me.
If asked if I'm ok, and you're not a very close friend (or sometimes even if you are, I'm feeling really down), I'll just nod, or say that I'm fine, or just tired. It's generally obvious from my body language that I'm not ok, but I'm not usually in a place to discuss feelings - my brain is not in that sort of place in those moments.
Similar things tend to happen if I'm asked what's wrong - half the time I won't have the faintest idea why I've started feeling low. Maybe something triggered an upsetting memory, in which case I'll know, but it may just be a sudden low mood because of no enough energy (social, mental, or physical). This is more likely to get the answer out of me than the former, but is still not a great option.
Leaving me alone. Though I generally don't actually want to talk about what's wrong at the time, being left completely alone when obviously feeling down makes me feel ignored, lonely, or not cared about. I know that this isn't the case, but when I'm feeling crap anyway, it's easy for my brain to think that.
Asking what you can do to help, while a lovely gesture, isn't very helpful. There's nothing you can do apart from just hold/hug/stroke me, and when I'm feeling low and uncommunicative, I'm unlikely to be able to communicate that need, because I feel that you may not want to do that and I'd be imposing somehow. Yes I know, silly brain can give me silly ideas sometimes.
The last option - just holding/hugging/stroking me - is by far the best. I don't want my thoughts and feelings dissected and examined when I'm feeling low, there's generally nothing that can be done aside from waiting it out or being distracted, but being held just reminds me that people care for me and everything will be okay, even if I do feel a bit low sometimes.
In short, you don't need to 'do' anything. You don't need to try and 'fix' any problems, or work out what is wrong, or what you can do to help. I just need a hug.
Tuesday 6 August 2013
Doctor Who and female role-models in the media
So, the 12th Doctor has been revealed. If you're trying to avoid the knowledge of who it is until the show airs, I'd advise you to stop reading now... Go on, off you go.
Right.
I'm not complaining about the choice of the particular actor, or say that he wouldn't make a great doctor, but I must admit to still being a little disappointed at the doctor being yet another white male, while the women in the show are still relegated to 'companion' status. Why not a person of colour, or a doctor of a different gender? Yes, yes, they say they picked 'the best actor for the job' - but they didn't even hold casting calls this time. Moffatt said that he had the idea of Peter Capaldi, called him to his house to try out being the doctor, videoed the result, showed it to the rest of the team and they decided to cast him. They didn't give anyone else a chance, and I bet an actor of colour or another gender didn't even cross Mofatt's mind.
It's well known that he's not exactly progressive in his views,and this shows more and more throughout his episodes. Almost every female character has now been defined by her reproductive organs or her dependence on a man, and having virtually no agency of their own. I'm getting tired of such a lack of decent female representation in the media - of having to actively search such things out, rather than being able to just watch something and see women who are shown as fully-rounded characters with their own agencies rather than sexist tropes and stereotypes.
Right.
I'm not complaining about the choice of the particular actor, or say that he wouldn't make a great doctor, but I must admit to still being a little disappointed at the doctor being yet another white male, while the women in the show are still relegated to 'companion' status. Why not a person of colour, or a doctor of a different gender? Yes, yes, they say they picked 'the best actor for the job' - but they didn't even hold casting calls this time. Moffatt said that he had the idea of Peter Capaldi, called him to his house to try out being the doctor, videoed the result, showed it to the rest of the team and they decided to cast him. They didn't give anyone else a chance, and I bet an actor of colour or another gender didn't even cross Mofatt's mind.
It's well known that he's not exactly progressive in his views,and this shows more and more throughout his episodes. Almost every female character has now been defined by her reproductive organs or her dependence on a man, and having virtually no agency of their own. I'm getting tired of such a lack of decent female representation in the media - of having to actively search such things out, rather than being able to just watch something and see women who are shown as fully-rounded characters with their own agencies rather than sexist tropes and stereotypes.
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