'Fixing' people

Often if I'm feeling depressed, upset, or just a little low or unsure, I tend to get quite quiet, and become a little uncommunicative. Ok, a lot. I just want to curl up and be hugged or soothed until I feel better. Often when I'm in that state I don't really know what is wrong, or if I do, I don't always want to talk about it.

There seem to be people who want to know why I'm feeling like this, so that they can try and 'fix' it, and people who just hug me and say 'it's going to be ok'.


People have different ways of reacting to me being like this: there's asking if I'm ok; asking what's wrong; giving me space and leaving me alone, asking what they can do to help, and coming over and just holding/hugging/stroking me.

In this mood, there's only really one of these which is of any use to me. 

If asked if I'm ok, and you're not a very close friend (or sometimes even if you are, I'm feeling really down), I'll just nod, or say that I'm fine, or just tired. It's generally obvious from my body language that I'm not ok, but I'm not usually in a place to discuss feelings - my brain is not in that sort of place in those moments.

Similar things tend to happen if I'm asked what's wrong - half the time I won't have the faintest idea why I've started feeling low. Maybe something triggered an upsetting memory, in which case I'll know, but it may just be a sudden low mood because of no enough energy (social, mental, or physical). This is more likely to get the answer out of me than the former, but is still not a great option.

Leaving me alone. Though I generally don't actually want to talk about what's wrong at the time, being left completely alone when obviously feeling down makes me feel ignored, lonely, or not cared about. I know that this isn't the case, but when I'm feeling crap anyway, it's easy for my brain to think that.

Asking what you can do to help, while a lovely gesture, isn't very helpful. There's nothing you can do apart from just hold/hug/stroke me, and when I'm feeling low and uncommunicative, I'm unlikely to be able to communicate that need, because I feel that you may not want to do that and I'd be imposing somehow. Yes I know, silly brain can give me silly ideas sometimes.

The last option - just holding/hugging/stroking me - is by far the best. I don't want my thoughts and feelings dissected and examined when I'm feeling low, there's generally nothing that can be done aside from waiting it out or being distracted, but being held just reminds me that people care for me and everything will be okay, even if I do feel a bit low sometimes.

In short, you don't need to 'do' anything. You don't need to try and 'fix' any problems, or work out what is wrong, or what you can do to help. I just need a hug.