I've been thinking that describing a relationship as M/s makes it seem all very formal and not at all lighthearted and jokey. That's definitely not the case - here's a slightly shortened version of a conversation Azariah and I had while lying in bed a couple of nights ago:
A: (after licking my eyebrow) You need to wash your eyebrows.
Me: What? I'm not going to wash just my eyebrows, that'd be odd.
A: You're right, if you wash your eyebrows it'll make you tired.
Me: What?
A: If you go and wash your eyebrows now, you'll be tireder later.
Me: Why would washing my eyebrows make me tired?
A: I don't mean washing eyebrows makes people tired, but if you go and wash them NOW, you'll be tired.
Me: ...?
A: Go and wash your eyebrows.
Me: What? Seriously?
A: Go and wash your eyebrows! Thoroughly!
Me: *sighs, goes to bathroom. washes eyebrows quickly with water (and soap - go me!) Goes back into the bedroom.* Now I have cold eyebrows.
A: You could have used hot water.
Me: Then I'd have had to wait for the hot water and it's late.
A: Go and wash them with hot water.
Me: *sighs, goes and washes eyebrows with HOT water. Re-enters the
bedroom, lies down.* Wow, I'm really tired now! NOT because I washed my
eyebrows!
A: I told you! Washing your eyebrows makes you tired!
Me: I'm not tired because I washed my eyebrows, I just happen to be very tired now when I wasn't before. And it's not because you told me I'd be tired. You can't condition me to be tired from washing my eyebrows.
A: Oh can't I?
Me: I didn't mean you couldn't physically do it, but... you shouldn't. There'd be no point.
A: (giggling) I could make you tired whenever I wanted to just by making you wash your eyebrows!
Me: Why don't you go and wash your eyebrows so you can fall asleep quicker?
A: Because I'm the one in charge and I'm don't want to wash my eyebrows!
Me: *bursts out laughing*
As you can see, it's all very serious and formal... =P
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Monday 25 June 2012
M/s explained
I forgot when I posted the last post that some people might now know what M/s or D/s relationships are. I'll try to be clear:
D/s stands for Dominant/submissive, M/s stands for Master/slave.
In a D/s relationship, one partner is submissive to the other. This can be purely sexual, or 24/7, or anything in between. The dominant partner could have the last say in making decisions, giving rules or orders for the submissive to follow etc, and in return they look after and protect the submissive partner. It's always consensual, it's in no way forced or coerced. The submissive (shortened to sub) gets to be taken care of and enjoys making their Dominant (Dom/me) happy.
This can translate to the bedroom, with some people seeing D/s as a purely sexual thing, while others see it as a lifestyle.
An M/s relationship is similar to a D/s one, but in an M/s relationship the slave (not sub) gives 'ownership' of themselves to their Master/Mistress. Of course they're not legally owned, but it's about giving up control, putting full and complete trust in your partner and giving them permission to make decisions for you, and treat you as their own. The main difference between M/s and D/s is that the 'slave' in a relationship gives up ownership of their body to their master or mistress, while the submissive is generally not seen as 'owned'. A submissive may choose not to do things, or use safeworda, which a slave doesn't necessarily have (of course it all depends in the individual relationship, and the line between the two can get quite blurry and wiggly).
Have a look at the Wikipedia article for this, as it's actually quite good! http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master/slave_(BDSM)
D/s stands for Dominant/submissive, M/s stands for Master/slave.
In a D/s relationship, one partner is submissive to the other. This can be purely sexual, or 24/7, or anything in between. The dominant partner could have the last say in making decisions, giving rules or orders for the submissive to follow etc, and in return they look after and protect the submissive partner. It's always consensual, it's in no way forced or coerced. The submissive (shortened to sub) gets to be taken care of and enjoys making their Dominant (Dom/me) happy.
This can translate to the bedroom, with some people seeing D/s as a purely sexual thing, while others see it as a lifestyle.
An M/s relationship is similar to a D/s one, but in an M/s relationship the slave (not sub) gives 'ownership' of themselves to their Master/Mistress. Of course they're not legally owned, but it's about giving up control, putting full and complete trust in your partner and giving them permission to make decisions for you, and treat you as their own. The main difference between M/s and D/s is that the 'slave' in a relationship gives up ownership of their body to their master or mistress, while the submissive is generally not seen as 'owned'. A submissive may choose not to do things, or use safeworda, which a slave doesn't necessarily have (of course it all depends in the individual relationship, and the line between the two can get quite blurry and wiggly).
Have a look at the Wikipedia article for this, as it's actually quite good! http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master/slave_(BDSM)
The start of an M/s relationship...
Right, so hopefully second try lucky - the first time I posted this the website completely messed up all of my paragraphs and even deleted huge chunks in the middle which left the post almost indecipherable! *hmph* Hopefully I've remembered everything I wrote the first time round...
So, I've been staying at Azariah's house for a while. When I turned up he said: "I read your blog post."
"Oh yes?" I said, tentatively probing for a response "Aaaand... what did you think?"
"I read it, and read it again, and just felt..." He put his hand over his heart "I just felt a warm feeling right here when I read it, which spread out through my chest. Not like a sexual thing, just... warm, and happy. I think I could do that." I smiled. And it wasn't mentioned again.
And then last night (I arrived here on Monday, it's Sunday now) his brother had some friends over, who were being stereotypically laddish and playing beer pong downstairs, so we decided to take a bottle of wine (which later became two bottles and rather a lot of chocolate liqueur) upstairs and get tipsy and maybe watch a film.
Yeah... the film didn't happen. Not even a little bit. Instead, there was lots of nakedness, giggling and about 3 hours of foreplay. The sort that leaves you unable to keep your hands off each other. It was hot =P
Anyway I went to the toilet (a whole bottle of wine will make you need to wee quite a lot!) and when I came back Azariah had poured chocolate liqueur aaaallll over his torso! I tried licking it all off, I really did, but just ended up with a very sticky face. And then I was covered in a yummy chocolatey mess.
Oh and he bit my face. Yes. You read that right. Not my neck, not in an 'ooh-I'm-going-to-nibble-your-earlobe/bite-your-neck-and-it'll-be-sexy' way. Just, my cheek. It hurt a bit, and in my drunken state made me a bit teary. I was also now all sticky and just suddenly wanted to get clean and get rid of the sticky mess.
We thought a shower would be a good idea, then we could pick up where we left off. Y'know, with the sex part...
While the shower was warming up, Azariah cuddled me and held me and told me everything was ok. He told me I was beautiful, gorgeous, hot, attractive, and sexy lots of times (but in my drunken teary state I didn't really believe him) and then later, once we were less sticky and under the jet of the shower, he asked if I still wanted to be his. He said he'd protect me from harm, look after me, and own me. There'd be rules, which I'd be allowed to question if I think they might cause me harm but ultimately his anything would be his choice. And if I felt anything was violating my human rights I needed to tell him, and be willing to go above him if necessary. He was quite insistent that I understood that part, and it was odd agreeing that I would go to the police if I needed to when I trust him so much, but I did. He said that sometimes he would require me to domme him, sometimes to hurt him, but at all times I would still be his.
He said lots of other adorable, touching things which made me glow inside with happiness, but the gist of it is that I'm now his. I want to please him, to make him happy, and will do what he wishes even if I don't always want to, as I know he'll have my best interests at heart. I'm sure it'll be hard at times, there'll be difficulties to overcome, and we'll probably both make mistakes but I'm really happy and looking forward to everything that comes with this.
Of course we talked about all of this the next morning while sober, and came to the conclusion that we hadn't said or agreed to anything stupid that we didn't actually want to do.
We've introduced a couple of rules so far, which I'm still trying to get used to, but we're taking things slowly and training will progress at a pace we're both comfortable with.
In short, I'm happy, and everything in this part of my life is awesome and wonderful. *grins*
Any questions?
So, I've been staying at Azariah's house for a while. When I turned up he said: "I read your blog post."
"Oh yes?" I said, tentatively probing for a response "Aaaand... what did you think?"
"I read it, and read it again, and just felt..." He put his hand over his heart "I just felt a warm feeling right here when I read it, which spread out through my chest. Not like a sexual thing, just... warm, and happy. I think I could do that." I smiled. And it wasn't mentioned again.
And then last night (I arrived here on Monday, it's Sunday now) his brother had some friends over, who were being stereotypically laddish and playing beer pong downstairs, so we decided to take a bottle of wine (which later became two bottles and rather a lot of chocolate liqueur) upstairs and get tipsy and maybe watch a film.
Yeah... the film didn't happen. Not even a little bit. Instead, there was lots of nakedness, giggling and about 3 hours of foreplay. The sort that leaves you unable to keep your hands off each other. It was hot =P
Anyway I went to the toilet (a whole bottle of wine will make you need to wee quite a lot!) and when I came back Azariah had poured chocolate liqueur aaaallll over his torso! I tried licking it all off, I really did, but just ended up with a very sticky face. And then I was covered in a yummy chocolatey mess.
Oh and he bit my face. Yes. You read that right. Not my neck, not in an 'ooh-I'm-going-to-nibble-your-earlobe/bite-your-neck-and-it'll-be-sexy' way. Just, my cheek. It hurt a bit, and in my drunken state made me a bit teary. I was also now all sticky and just suddenly wanted to get clean and get rid of the sticky mess.
We thought a shower would be a good idea, then we could pick up where we left off. Y'know, with the sex part...
While the shower was warming up, Azariah cuddled me and held me and told me everything was ok. He told me I was beautiful, gorgeous, hot, attractive, and sexy lots of times (but in my drunken teary state I didn't really believe him) and then later, once we were less sticky and under the jet of the shower, he asked if I still wanted to be his. He said he'd protect me from harm, look after me, and own me. There'd be rules, which I'd be allowed to question if I think they might cause me harm but ultimately his anything would be his choice. And if I felt anything was violating my human rights I needed to tell him, and be willing to go above him if necessary. He was quite insistent that I understood that part, and it was odd agreeing that I would go to the police if I needed to when I trust him so much, but I did. He said that sometimes he would require me to domme him, sometimes to hurt him, but at all times I would still be his.
He said lots of other adorable, touching things which made me glow inside with happiness, but the gist of it is that I'm now his. I want to please him, to make him happy, and will do what he wishes even if I don't always want to, as I know he'll have my best interests at heart. I'm sure it'll be hard at times, there'll be difficulties to overcome, and we'll probably both make mistakes but I'm really happy and looking forward to everything that comes with this.
Of course we talked about all of this the next morning while sober, and came to the conclusion that we hadn't said or agreed to anything stupid that we didn't actually want to do.
We've introduced a couple of rules so far, which I'm still trying to get used to, but we're taking things slowly and training will progress at a pace we're both comfortable with.
In short, I'm happy, and everything in this part of my life is awesome and wonderful. *grins*
Any questions?
Saturday 16 June 2012
For Azariah...
Cravings:
I've been craving some high protocol D/s today. I mentioned it to you briefly earlier, but what I didn't say was that I'm craving it purely with you, not as an abstract craving with anyone.
I want something formal, not our usual style of play - just being told what to do because that's what you want, and quietly doing it to make you happy, because that's what makes me happy. Having simple, easy-to-follow rules. I will eat when you tell me to, and what you say I can. I'll wear what you ask me to and sleep when I'm told to. Nothing forced, nothing violent, I don't want to be broken this time.
I want to give myself to you completely in order to serve you. I want to please you, to serve you, to give up all control to you and obey you. I'll do what you ask in order to please you. I want to be owned, to wear a collar. And I'd like it to be longer term than our regular scenes - more like a few days at a time.
In short, after actually examining my feelings, I'm craving some more M/s scenarios rather than D/s, though the line between them is rather blurry.
I wasn't coherent enough to tell you in quite this much detail earlier because I was feeling rubbish (despite having eaten looooads of ice cream!) and my brain wasn't working very coherently.
I love you.
Moan, rant, drama queen - feel free to ignore.
Well the next post I published was going to be about something saucy and scandalous but I'm just not up to it. I just can't do anything right now.
I've spent the day sitting on the sofa not even having the motivation to reach the TV remote to change channels from the horrible reality programmes which kept cropping up. I've been feeling like crying all day, but not wanting to cry in front on people in case it disturbed them or made them feel awkward. I've resorted to crying silently every time I leave the room to go to the bathroom or refill my cup of tea.
Everything's just so daunting at the moment and I can't cope. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I feel so pathetic and useless for sitting around in my pyjamas all day and not getting anything done, I'm not helping anyone or doing anything productive to society. I signed on with the job centre on Thursday and have to apply for 4 things by Tuesday. 4 things. That should be easy peasy, but it's just so daunting. I've also got to fill in my backdating form to show every single job I applied for last month to get the money they owe me for May, and just thinking about doing that makes me want to cry.
I've got no income, I'm not even paying rent at the moment - I'm owing it to D'Artagnan so when I finally do get some money I have all that to pay off before I can even think of finding somewhere to live in Birmingham, and I really want to move out. I don't know whether to take the postgrad degree I've been offered in Birmingham since realising that it's not quite what I want to do, but it's near all my friends and I'd be happy while doing it. I have to decide in less than a month, and I have absolutely no idea what to do! There's just so much pressure to know what's going on, what I want, and what I need to do and I haven't a fucking clue.
I feel like a fraud, a failure, and I'm letting people down - I've got people hanging on wanting to know if I'll be living with them, but I can't look for anywhere else until I have a job and can afford it.
Seriously, I'm such a waste of space to humanity at the moment. I feel like crying so much of the time. That seems to go away when I'm around friends and doing things I enjoy, but as soon as they're gone or I remember that it's there it comes back with a vengance, like it's a programme constantly running in the background, often masked but almost always there.
I've had a lovely evening with Jacques and D'Artagnan making me feel a bit better, and now they've gone to bed I feel completely worthless again. I just spent half an hour in bed with D'Artagnan crying, but I was afraid of keeping people awake so I've come downstairs to drink tea. My mind won't let me sleep, I'm just worrying and feeling shit and hoping that writing some of this down will help. Well it's hard to cry and type so I guess it's working, at least I'm concentrating more on my sentences being vaguely coherent than everything else at the moment. I'm sorry if you've actually read through all this bullshit. Have a free 10 minutes of life back. It's on me.
Oh, and to top it all I now have really itchy red swollen tonsils and itchy insides of my ears. Great.
I've spent the day sitting on the sofa not even having the motivation to reach the TV remote to change channels from the horrible reality programmes which kept cropping up. I've been feeling like crying all day, but not wanting to cry in front on people in case it disturbed them or made them feel awkward. I've resorted to crying silently every time I leave the room to go to the bathroom or refill my cup of tea.
Everything's just so daunting at the moment and I can't cope. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I feel so pathetic and useless for sitting around in my pyjamas all day and not getting anything done, I'm not helping anyone or doing anything productive to society. I signed on with the job centre on Thursday and have to apply for 4 things by Tuesday. 4 things. That should be easy peasy, but it's just so daunting. I've also got to fill in my backdating form to show every single job I applied for last month to get the money they owe me for May, and just thinking about doing that makes me want to cry.
I've got no income, I'm not even paying rent at the moment - I'm owing it to D'Artagnan so when I finally do get some money I have all that to pay off before I can even think of finding somewhere to live in Birmingham, and I really want to move out. I don't know whether to take the postgrad degree I've been offered in Birmingham since realising that it's not quite what I want to do, but it's near all my friends and I'd be happy while doing it. I have to decide in less than a month, and I have absolutely no idea what to do! There's just so much pressure to know what's going on, what I want, and what I need to do and I haven't a fucking clue.
I feel like a fraud, a failure, and I'm letting people down - I've got people hanging on wanting to know if I'll be living with them, but I can't look for anywhere else until I have a job and can afford it.
Seriously, I'm such a waste of space to humanity at the moment. I feel like crying so much of the time. That seems to go away when I'm around friends and doing things I enjoy, but as soon as they're gone or I remember that it's there it comes back with a vengance, like it's a programme constantly running in the background, often masked but almost always there.
I've had a lovely evening with Jacques and D'Artagnan making me feel a bit better, and now they've gone to bed I feel completely worthless again. I just spent half an hour in bed with D'Artagnan crying, but I was afraid of keeping people awake so I've come downstairs to drink tea. My mind won't let me sleep, I'm just worrying and feeling shit and hoping that writing some of this down will help. Well it's hard to cry and type so I guess it's working, at least I'm concentrating more on my sentences being vaguely coherent than everything else at the moment. I'm sorry if you've actually read through all this bullshit. Have a free 10 minutes of life back. It's on me.
Oh, and to top it all I now have really itchy red swollen tonsils and itchy insides of my ears. Great.
Monday 4 June 2012
Hairy legs exposed!
So on Wednesday last week I was well enough to leave the house and get outside. Finally. And it was HOT! I was boiling in my jeans, really uncomfortable! Anyway, while I was in town with an old school friend I ended up buying a new outfit from Primark - a skirt and a top for only a fiver, woop!
That's when I realised that since the whole not shaving my legs thing started, I haven't worn a skirt or dress without tights on, or it being full-length so no one would see me legs.
And I realised then that it didn't matter anymore - I didn't care! I changed into my new shortish (above the knee) skirt and strappy top (showing off my wonderful hairy armpits) and went out into town. To a pub. With people I know! And nobody said anything - they didn't even seem to notice! I thought I might feel selfconscious so I brought a long-sleeved zip-up top with me, thinking I could put it over my legs if I needed to (under the guise of being cold) or wear it to cover my pits. But in actual fact, everything was fine!
And I've even reached he stage where I don't just 'not dislike' or 'not mind' the natural look - I actually like it! I'm used to the look of my legs with the soft hair on them rather than shiny and plasticcy, and y'know what? They look so much more normal! I really like it. I'm going to start wearing skirts more often! =D
That's when I realised that since the whole not shaving my legs thing started, I haven't worn a skirt or dress without tights on, or it being full-length so no one would see me legs.
And I realised then that it didn't matter anymore - I didn't care! I changed into my new shortish (above the knee) skirt and strappy top (showing off my wonderful hairy armpits) and went out into town. To a pub. With people I know! And nobody said anything - they didn't even seem to notice! I thought I might feel selfconscious so I brought a long-sleeved zip-up top with me, thinking I could put it over my legs if I needed to (under the guise of being cold) or wear it to cover my pits. But in actual fact, everything was fine!
And I've even reached he stage where I don't just 'not dislike' or 'not mind' the natural look - I actually like it! I'm used to the look of my legs with the soft hair on them rather than shiny and plasticcy, and y'know what? They look so much more normal! I really like it. I'm going to start wearing skirts more often! =D
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