Depression stuff. Again.

Trigger warnings: suicidal ideation, self-harming thoughts. 

Having bad thoughts again. They started with graphic self-harming thoughts, moved on to 'why not just get it all over and done with and end this?', and then when I realised that I always get through these bad times and will be 'fine' later - whether tonight, in the morning, or a few days - I felt even worse. I know I'll get through this and have to carry on with this life, and that's the thing that scares me right now. That's the thing I don't want to happen. I know I'm not going to do anything to end my life right now, and that's making me feel even worse! I'm not strong enough to actually sort something out and go through with it, so I'm going to keep feeling like I do and living this half-life thing and not feeling in the way that other people do. I just wish there was a simple solution to this problem. Depression has drained so much of my life from me, including the motivation to get on and end it.